Freckles...Chapter 1

Falling leaves fell into the pond one by one. As they hit the water, they send a ripple around the shallow pond. The shadow from the maple tree above cast its branches on the water. They almost seemed to reach out across the water. Near the water on the shady bench next the maple tree, strands of deep red hair blew through the air, twisting and winding about among the air. Behind the strands of hair that fell down, was a tiny pale freckled face. It was bent down in a sort of sad expression. Her nose was slender and her cheekbones were high. Where her cheeks should have been bright with color, they were pale and sort of hallowed with sorrow. Her tiny hands were clasped in front on her resting on her lap. She had her fingers tightly knotted together and she kept rubbing her two pointer fingers together. To her it was a sort of game and she liked the feeling.  Desmin felt pretty numb and especially with the intruding cold this action gave her warmth. More than the cold that pervaded even her thickest coat was the numb that seemed to chill her from the inside out. She was in a no state to be warmed. Over her heart, she felt the icy chill of abandonment. Desmin was so young, not even fifteen years old—it was not right for her to know true sorrow at this age. 

Two-hundred yards above where Desmin was sitting, in the second story of the house, was her godmother staring out of the window at her. Tabitha looked at her little goddaughter. She could feel the silent pain that Desmin must be feeling. She had also lost a good friend of hers- Desmin’s mother Olivia. Olivia was more of a sister than just a friend. Desmin’s mother and Tabitha had been friends for many years. They grew up together in a rich and affluent world that their parents brought them up into. Tabitha has promised Olivia that if ever anything happened to her, she would be Desmin’s guardian and godmother. Tabitha has taken that promise very seriously. Tabitha had never married, but had made a good living with her home-based business and also she lived off the heritance that her parents had left her when they died. Her goddaughter would lack for nothing but the finest things and have her very need taken care of. Tabitha did not worry about taking care of Desmin’s temporal and physical needs—she worried about her emotional needs.

Desmin had not spoken one word after coming to live with Tabitha. In fact, Desmin had not spoken a word since they found her next to her mother, Olivia, dead one morning a month ago. Olivia had died in her sleep and when Desmin had awaken that morning to not find her mother at the breakfast bar as usual, she decided to see if her mom was still sleeping. Desmin walked into her mother’s room innocently. She opened the door and saw her mother’s red curls falling gently on the pillow. Her mother had been very tired recently, so Desmin only assumed her mother was particularly tired. She went around to the other side of the bed and hopped into bed next to her mother. Where there should have been warmth, there was a bone-cold chill. Startled, she shook her mother and cried. Ma-ma! Ma-ma! Wake up! When they had been no response, she crouched beside the bed and the nightstand nearest to her mother and wept hysterically. After an hour of crying, she had fallen asleep there.

An hour later, when the maid arrived to begin cleaning, she came upon the sight—A sleeping girl next to her dead mother. The maid gently shook the girl who roused a little with a sniffle and a moan and then the mother who aroused no more. The maid quickly took the girl into her arms and carried her off to the couch in the living room. She grabbed the receiver and dialed 9-1-1.

Since that day, the little orphan girl had not said a word. Her godmother was very worried and set herself to watch her very carefully. Tabitha had some understanding about what Desmin was going through. It is to say that she could imagine at that young age and under what circumstances Desmin had found her mother. When Tabitha had heard the story of what had happened, she was shocked and she felt her heart strings being pulled acutely. Whatever pain Tabitha felt, she could only imagine how Desmin felt.

Tabitha had lost her parents when she was a young adult, but not when she was a kid. Although her parents had been loving towards her, they had also been distant. She had been used to not having them around when they had died. The passing had been hard, but she had been an adult, not a child. Desmin still needed her mother. Her father had never been in the picture. Desmin, Tabitha, imagined relied on her mother very much. She had been used to having her around and she wasn’t old enough to not need her. Olivia had also needed her daughter. After her baby’s daddy had left the picture, the two did everything together. They were two souls in one body. It was as if Olivia passing had taken Desmin’s voice. As if it had taken part of her soul and now Desmin was without warmth and comfort that their shared soul had provided.

A strong gust of wind blew and brought Tabitha out of her thoughts out across the yard to where Desmin was sitting. It struck her strongly how she looked like a stone statue—cold, emotionless. She imagined what thoughts could be racing through her mind or it truly could be the opposite—she could be thinking nothing, still numb from the trauma. it had only been one week since Desmin had come to stay with Tabitha.

Tabitha looked down at her watch. It was already twelve o’clock. Desmin had a psychologist appointment in one hour and they still had to drive into town. Tabitha didn’t know if it was helping or not, but she though they both deserved to try. She wanted so much for Desmin to be happy with her. She knew the only way that would happen was if Desmin started talking again. Tabitha had told Desmin quietly that everything would be alright and that she was here to take care of her, but to those stone cold ice she did not know what had sunken in.

Sitting there—numb and motionless—Desmin thought of her mother lying there cold on the bed. That image playing constantly in her mind—her mother’s cold face surrounded by a halo of red hair. Her perfect mother she loved more than herself. Desmin’s world had been turned upside down. When she looked anywhere, there was something that reminded her of her mother. Even in her guardian she was reminded of her mother. In the grass, in the tree, and even in her own reflection she saw her mother.

“Desmin!” she heard someone yelling her name. Had she heard a ghost? She slowing looked up and saw her mother walking towards her. Her red hair flowing in the wind and her striking green eyes. “Desmin” said the voice a little louder. Tabitha put her hand on Desmin’s shoulder. Finally, Desmin realized it wasn’t her mother, but her godmother.

“Desmin, honey, it’s time to get going into town. We have your appointment in one hour. Are you ready?”

Desmin just got up from the bench, looked up at Tabitha with a look that said yes, I am ready.

“Okay, seems like you are ready. Please go get your coat”

Desmin followed by Tabitha entered the backdoor. Tabitha closed it behind her quietly. She tried to be quietly as possible and not to startle her goddaughter. Desmin stood at the front door. Tabitha went to the closet and grabbed both of their coats. She couldn’t believe that Desmin didn’t want to wear a coat. “Honey, it is getting colder outside. Please remember to put your coat on when you go outside. I don’t want you to get cold or sick. Okay?”

Again she just looked up at her with what seemed like an okay. Tabitha helped her slide on her coat. Then Desmin buttoned it herself. Tabitha reached out her hand hoping that she would take it, but she didn’t. They headed out the door.

Tabitha locked the door behind her. She looked at Desmin and sighed. She was just standing by the car door, waiting. Tabitha was a little frustrated that she never wanted to open the door herself. She walked around to the other side of the car, opened the door. It creaked as she opened it, heavy on the hinges. After she slipped on, Tabitha leaned her head into the car. “One of these days, you will need to open the door by yourself.” Again the same look. Tabitha closed the door and quickly walked over to the driver’s side and got in. Again another sigh.

She started the car and rolled out of the gravel driveway. She glanced over at the girl. She was in the same position sitting in the car as she had been on the stone bench outside in the back of her house.

It was a quiet drive into the city. The lines of trees quickly turned into lines of building with trees sparsely. It was an old style town, with Victorian houses. It wasn’t too far from Desmin’s old house, which had been situated in more of the main part of town. Desmin half expected to see her old house on the way, but it wasn’t on their way to the psychologists’ clinic. 

They pulled up to office, which was another Victorian building. It had been converted into an office from a home. Outside it had a sign that said ‘Established in 1876’. As they walked in Desmin stared up at the sign. The house seemed massive and looming to her. It was a bright blue color, which was pleasant enough. They walked in the door, and it jingled from the bells hanging above the door. It closed very heavily, almost a slam.

“Hello, good afternoon, how may I help you?” said the receptionist. “Yes, we have an appointment for Desmin Carley.” “Okay, please have a seat. We will call your name when we are ready for you, okay?” “Okay, thank you!" They sat down on the plush seats and waited.

There was an awkward silence. There was an old woman waiting there, too. She had lively, spritely eyes that looked over at them. She shifted in her chair, almost wary of the new occupants in the room. She seemed to be a nervous woman.

“Good day, honey!” said the woman looking at the little girl. “Oh, she doesn’t talk,” said Tabitha quietly, waving her hand. Desmin just sat in her usual position with her hands clasped in front of her and her head down.

Then another pause of awkward silence “Desmin, we are ready for you. Please come on back!”

“Do you want me to come back with you?” Tabitha said. Desmin shook her head. She didn’t need another person staring at her and besides she liked Doctor Richins. He had a quiet demeanor and if there was anyone for her to open up to it would be him. He was almost like the father that she never had. 

She followed the receptionist into the doctor’s office. She looked at all the pictures on the wall on the way until the receptionist showed her to the doctor’s door. Please sit down and the doctor will be right in with you. Soon after she sat down the doctor came in and sat across the table from her.

“How are you doing today, Desmin?”

Desmin just looked at the doctor and shrugged her shoulders at him.

“So, we are still not talking, is that it?

Desmin nodded at him.

He reached for and opened his desk and pulled out a yellow legal pad and pen and with two hands gave it to Desmin. She slowly, reluctantly grabbed it from him. It sort of fell out of her hands, but she caught it quickly. Her reaction was not surprising in and of itself, but given the fact what she had been through it was quite astonishing. Dr. Richins eyed the action slyly.

Finally when it was in her hand, she looked at him as if to say she was ready for his questions.

So he began, “How are you today, Desmin?”

She looked at him and he nodded. “It’s alright. What you say here is confidential and it doesn’t leave outside this room, okay?”

Desmin nodded to him and he repeated his questions quietly and smoothly. She liked the sound of his voice. It was deep, quiet and comforting to her like what she imagined the voice her father might have.

She began to scribble on the piece of paper.

She wrote: “I am fine.” 

She handed the paper over to him and he read it. “Just fine. I am doing well, too.”

“Do you like living with you Tabitha, your godmother?”

She took the paper.

“I like living with her, but I miss my mom. Tabitha is a little bossy, but mostly okay.”

Again he read the paper and nodded. He said, “I am sure she is just trying to do the best she can right now”.

Desmin nodded in agreement to him.

“What do you like to do in your free time at home?”

“Not much. I sit outside and think.”

“I see” the doctor said and wrote something down, “Before the death of your mother, what did you like to do in your free time?”

I looked at him for a long minute and it seemed as if  she did not even register the question he asked. He was about the repeat the question, but hesitated to allow her more time to think . He knew that when children had a trauma, a life-changing trauma, there were definite lashbacks. Like a car crash resulted in whiplash and physical unseen effects, so an emotional trauma resulted in emotional effect, also unseen. It could take her longer to respond. Just like a person after a car crash might have delayed motions and responses, so might a girl who had seen her dead mother at such a young age, have delayed response. So in  that brief second when he was about to ask again, he decided to wait. He just looked at her. She was looking down with her hand clasped in front of her.

Another long pause.

Desmin slowly took up the paper and began to write ]

“We, I used to play on the swings outside, catch butterflies, play hide-and-seek”

Tear drops began to hit the page and she had to put the pen down. Now there was nothing in the room, only her alone sitting in the chair, surrounded by blackness. Suddenly, she looked up to see a bright light, and there was standing a woman with flowing red hair around her face and a upon that same face, was a happy smile that curled up more on one side. To Desmin the smile was infectious and it brought to her own face the same smile that curled up at one end. She was still too shocked to speak.

“Desmin” called that sweet voice. “Desmin. Desmin. Where did you go?”

As the legal pad hit the floor, she was brought back to the sterile room with the doctor, looking concerned, sat there. “Desmin?”

She shifted her gaze to look at him. And had no expression there now—how quickly her smile and dropped to the lowest point on her face into a sad frown!

“Desmin, what is it?” Did you see something?”

When she didn’t pick of the paper, the doctor got up from his desk, bent his knees and picked up the legal pad. Desmin still had the pen tightly held in her hand.  He looked at her as he gave her the legal pad again with two hands.

“Desmin, you can tell me what you saw. You are safe here.”

He went back to his chair and Desmin seemed to sink farther back into hers. She looked at him and then looked back at the door where her mother, Olivia, had appeared just seconds before. Her mother was nowhere to be found and there was no light coming from that direction at all.  She looked back at him.

She picked up the pen and wrote.

“Would you believe me if I told you?”

“Yes, I would. I am here to listen to what you have to say and I know you will be honest with me. You are safe here and everything you say here is private. I am only here to help you. So, please, tell me what you saw.”

Another look at him and then at the door, she wrote:

“I saw my mother standing there at the door with a beautiful light behind her.”

“Did that make you feel happy, or scared?”

“It felt happy,” she wrote.

He eyed her with an undiscerning eye. 

“Do you see her often?”

“I saw her earlier today outside.”

“Did that make you happy or scared?”

“I felt surprised and happy,” she wrote.

“Why do you think you are seeing her?”

She just shook her head and wrote nothing.

“Do you hear and see anything else that is not there?”

Desmin shook her head.

“Will you let me know next time if you see her again or if you see anything else?” Richins said softly.

She nodded her head.

“I am going to give you some anti-depression medication for you to take two times daily. If you see anything else, have your godmother give me a call, ok?”

Nod.

Richins pressed a button on his phone and a feminine voice said, “Yes, Dr. Richins?”

“Please send Tabitha Shaylin in.”

“Yes, doctor, one moment, please.”

A minute later the door creaked open and Tabitha appeared with the receptionist.

Addressing the receptionist: “Please show Desmin to the waiting room.”

Then addressing little Desmin: “I need to talk to your godmother for a moment. Please follow Betty to the waiting room while I talk to her.”

Desmin turned her head as the receptionist lead her from the room. Her eyes pierced Tabitha.

When the receptionist shut the door, Richins and Shaylin began to chat.

“So, how was your session today? Is she okay?” inquired Ms. Shaylin.

“She says she is fine. But she is very distracted. I am afraid she might be so traumatized that she is seeing her mother. Desmin said she saw her mother twice today. Once in her with me and once outside your house.”

“How is that possible?”

“Does her family have a history of mental illness?” Dr. Richins asked.

Shaking her head: “I don’t think so. Not that I know of.”

“Okay, I have given her a prescription for anti-depressants for her to take two times daily—morning and night.”

He quickly wrote it and gave it to her. She looked at it. “We will go the pharmacy right after this.”

 He continued, “We need to watch her very closely. I’ve told her to tell me if she sees her mother again. I am hoping that this is a temporary thing and that it will go away once her mind has had a chance to work through the trauma. It might take some time. Seems like you are taking very good care of her.”

“She seems so unresponsive. Desmin will nod her head and looked at me, but also sometimes doesn’t respond to me when I call her. She is very distant.”

“It will just take time.” and added emphasis, he said, “And how are you doing with all this? It is a big responsibility and a big change for you. Are you sure you don’t need someone to talk to?”

Tabitha was a little caught off guard by his question.

She quickly retorted, “No, I am fine.”

“Please let me know if you need someone to talk to.”

She nodded and stood up. “Thank you doctor.”

“Please make an appointment with the receptionist for next time before you leave.”

“Okay, see you next week!”

Tabitha stopped in her tracks and turned back around. “Do you think it is okay for Desmin to start back up at school?”

“I think we should wait another week. Let’s see if she has any more hallucinations before we send her back.”

“Okay. I just hate to see her missing out on school. I think it might help her to be around her peers.”

“Yes, I agree, but let’s give it a little more time. Let’s decide after her next session.”

“Okay, thanks.”

She walked to waiting room, and saw Desmin sitting there as statuesque as before.

“Okay, sweetheart, let’s go!”

Desmin got up from her seat and followed her godmother out the door.

They both went to the passenger’s side door. Tabitha turned the key and opened the door for her. Desmin slid and Tabitha got in the other side.